Friends who dress alike - pt. 1

The friend on the right is the poor man's friend on the left.

(Thanks to Beth & Gabe for the picture. The pics from my camera sucked.)

"Click" is the poor man's "The Girl, The Gold Watch and Everything"

The more I tooled with this entry, the more I thought it was too easy. Too pedestrian. 3/4 of the kids on the internet have no idea about "TGTGW&E". Maybe they've seen "Airplane" once or twice and have a vague idea who Robert Hays is, but they really love the "American Pie"s of today. I don't have a problem with that. We can all live in peace.

When I was a kid I remember thinking that being an actor would be a fun idea if I could have Robert Hays' career. Now I am an actor. And one day I will work with Robert Hays, and the world will welcome him back like they did John Travolta. And the world will be a better place for it.

Trust me.

Maybe he'll be a part of the all-star video for my Xmas song.

Shelley Long is the poor man's Meredith Baxter (or is she?)

There are people in this world who think Shelley Long is/was hot and funny. I do not understand these people. Same goes for Elise Keaton.

And since we were talking Birneys...

If you don't know the man in the mirror (middle), then you need to open your thighs.

David Birney is the poor man's Bert Convy

There really is no explanation for this one. I watched waaaaaay too much TV as a kid, yet I always thought this was the same guy. It wasn't until I figured out Meredith Baxter was married to David that the now late Mr. Convy got the go-ahead.

And Bert was in Cannon Ball Run.


Reminder: I'm looking for an animator.

Shameless whoring - animator needed

Believe it or not dear readers, I am a cynic. Yup. I look at the glass as half dirty. And I'm none too thrilled with the way my fellow man (and woman) treats one another most times - whether here or abroad. I really want to believe the best of people, but too often I am let down.

Case in point: our health care system. I herniated a disk in my back a while ago, and it has taken a few small miracles to get x-rays, MRIs and drugs to make me not such a cranky bastard. Was that all necessary? Is our health care system really that understaffed, underqualified and oversaturated with ridiculous paperwork? Well, that's not for me to answer. I pay my hard earned money into a health plan that treats me like a toad, and dammit, I say job well done! Bully for them! I meet with my doctor next week, and God willing, something good will come out of all of this. But I'm not holding my breath...unless that helps my back.

So this is where you come in. I wrote a little Band-Aid/USA for Africa type song years ago, and recorded it for my own amusement/therapy. Basically it's about the war in Afghanistan and how we seem to have forgotten all about it. I wrote it because our government, like our health care system, seemed to be missing the point. I claim no special privilege of sorrow, pain or confusion, but I was a few blocks from the WTC. I saw (and felt) up close what you saw on TV. The explosion, the fall, the ash, the debris, the smell, the panic - it was unreal. I think the folks who are so eager to send their kids (or their constituents' kids) to Iraq of all places, might not know that the real enemy in all of this is ignorance. Ignorance of our leaders' motives and ignorance of foreign cultures who do not hate our freedoms, just our business practices.

This song is sung with tongue planted firmly in cheek (which explains why I am often out of tune), and only meant to offend the idiots who got us this far. My fiance was sweet enough to lend her vocal talents too. No celebrities wished to be involved, so I faked their voices...poorly, I might add.

Nothing would make me happier than to have someone animate this in time for the holidays. If you are an animator, or if you know someone who would love to be a legend in internet animation history, please play this song, get inspired and drop me a line.

Here it is Xmas in Afghanistan.

Regards,
The Poor Man

Maryam D'Abo is the poor man's Olivia D'Abo

However, if Julie Delpy were so inclined, all three lovely ladies may join the Poor Woman and I on our honeymoon.


Which reminds me: Honey, can Julie Delpy and the D'Abo cousins join us on our honeymoon?

Jack Black is the poor man's Zach Galifianakis

"Nacho Grande"??????

All I'm saying is "Pick of Destiny" better come out soon, Mr. Black. Otherwise, I've found a new hero.

UPDATE: Yes, I just noticed I called the new Jack Black movie "Nacho Grande," when it is, in fact, "Nacho Libre." I have no one to blame but myself and my shoddy journalism practices. I offer no excuses (herniated disk). I offer no apologies (vicodin & valium). I can only offer you my only son.

Bad rock star hair is the poor man's version of actual rocking

To even call the above guys "rockers" is stretching the truth on par with linking Saddam Hussein to Sept 11.


The exception to this bad rock hair rule: Klaus Meine of The Scorpions. That man WILL INDEED rock you like a hurricane.

Carol Channing is the poor man's Phyllis Diller

My grandfather went to high school with Carol Channing.

Yes, I know. My street cred just went through the roof.

No post this week.

There's been a death in the family.

The funny will resume sometime next week.

- PoorMan

Jason Gedrick is the poor man's Adam Baldwin

Two words: My Bodyguard

Temp jobs are the poor man's spousal abuse

From what I've heard. I've never had a temp job myself. And there's no way Tawny Kitaen could kick my ass. Not when I've got her hooch.

Karl Lagerfeld is the poor man's nobody.

Really. Nothing/nobody to compare him to.

Maybe a zepplin?


That dances?



And cries during the films of Geena Davis?

80's L.A. films are the poor man's 70's N.Y.C. films

Richard Crenna is the poor man's George Segal

There. The sound you just heard was me losing half of my audience in a collective "Who?"

Kids today.

Weekend Edition: Sebastian Bach is the poor man's Kip Winger

Honestly, I have zero knowledge of either of these guys. Eighties hair metal was not my thing.

But Kip has had so much disrespect in his career, I feel this is the least I can do for him.

Updates will be sporadic, as I actually (gasp) - have a job.