Black History Month Ends Today: Rick Astley is the poor man's Clay Aiken

What do you think Bill Hicks would've had to say about American Idol? (NSFW video)

Lenny Von Dohlen is the poor man's Matt McCoy

Remember when Edgar thought his name was "Moles?" That was hilarity. He kept calling him "Moles" when it was really "Miles." God, I'm totally stuck in the 80's.


Afterthought: When Steve Carell was in the trailer for "Bruce Almighty," I thought it was Matt McCoy.

Michael Ironside is the poor man's Powers Boothe

Three reasons for this.

1. Michael is Canadian, so I'd giggle if he said "aboot."
2. Michael was in a Highlander sequel. Bad Michael!
3. C'mon, it's Powers Boothe!

Do yourself a favor tonight and join me as I watch the musical explosion that is Ethan Lipton.
Then on Saturday come along with me as I afford to go out two nights in a row to see Dirty Lenin.

Powers Boothe!

Marcia Strassman is the poor man's Jan Smithers

Bailey, call me!

1980's Barbara Carrera is the poor man's 1990's Catherine Zeta Jones

Who IS the man now, dog?.

Val Kilmer is the poor man's Johnny Depp

I have to be honest. I think this should be the other way around.

And no, the poor man's Johnny Depp isn't Skeet Ulrich. This isn't just about what they look like. (Watch me completely contradict myself later this week.)

James Madison is the poor man's James Monroe

Ever hear of the Madison Doctrine? I didn't think so.



Bonus: Elizabeth Monroe is the poor man's Dolley Madison.

Tony Soprano is the poor man's Al Swearengen

That man is just one hell of a bad-ass, and nobody says "cock-suckin' heathen dirt-worshipper" quite like Ian McShane.

Two words: Sexy Beast
Three words: Mariska Hargitay - yowza!

"Buenas Tardes Amigo" is the poor man's "Pancho and Lefty"

The only problem with the Willie & Merle version of ”Pancho & Lefty” is that ”Greatest American Hero” opening. Otherwise, it is a perfect song. As is ”Buenas Tardes Amigo.” But I've made my decision, and this blog is about making the difficult decisions so you don't have to.


P.S. If I my Jeff Spicoli wish come could come true and I could have anyone play my birthday party it'd be Ween and Willie...and Tom Waits, R.E.M., Van Halen, Pop Will Eat Itself, PJ Harvey, Sleater-Kinney, Falco (not Edie and not alive, sadly), Cracker and Tony Starlight.

But Ween and Willie would definitely headline.

Lisa Hartman is the poor man's Heather Locklear

Celebrate the 80's today while I go take some more muscle relaxants.

Terri Hatcher is the poor man's Alyssa Milano

Odd, not many visits to the site for that Ben Gazzara/Robert Loggia post. I guess they don't really do it for ya. So, we're back to T&A.





Terri Hatcher, circa the days when she was eating. Terri Hatcher today wouldn't even be in this game.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Ben Gazzara is the poor man's Robert Loggia

Long ago, when his career seemed to be lost at sea, Robert Loggia did an orange juice commercial. There was this young lad who wouldn't drink his orange juice. His parents pleaded with the uncooperative boy until finally his dad asked, "Would you drink your orange juice if Robert Loggia told you to?" Lo and behold, Mr. Loggia comes bounding (not really bounding) into the kitchen in a crisp, black suit, points the the boy and says, "Drink your orange juice, kid." The young man, around 10 years of age and obviously part of the Loggia audience demographic, is in such awe that all he can say is, "Wow, Robert Loggia," and he immediately gulps down his cold, pulpy beverage.

For that reason alone Loggia edges out Gazzara.

That, and I've been prescribed muscle relaxants. Lots of 'em.

"Drink your orange juice, kid."

John Stossel is the poor man's Geraldo Rivera

If you're into that sort of thing.

James Woods is the poor man's Peter Weller

Each actor is crazy and awesome in his own way, but I met Peter Weller at a celebrity bowling fundraiser. And that dude is in it to win it!

Oh, and because of Buckaroo Bonzai.

"America We Stand As One" is the poor man's "God Bless the U.S.A."

Strictly speaking on the merits of Gulf War songwriting.

Women in glasses are the poor man's Women in jeeps

Women who wear glasses AND drive jeeps are # 1 in the poor man's book.

The Winter Olympics are the poor man's Summer Olympics

My money's on the nation of Chad to win gold in Ice Dancing.

Coke vs. Pepsi Week Ends! - Madonna is the poor man's Cyndi Lauper

I know this goes against conventional wisdom. Madonna's got billions of dollars and makes news at the drop of an accent.

But Cyndi's got her some talent. And I've still got a crush on her. So there.


Oh, and Madonna did a Pepsi commercial.

Coke vs. Pepsi - Paul Lynde is the poor man's Charles Nelson Reilly

Because Paul never BLANKED his own material.

Coke vs. Pepsi - Jay Leno is the poorman's David Letterman

Jay is obviously Pepsi.

Yeah, this one feels phoned in. But hold on, there's an extra treat.

Extra treat: Dave is the poor man's Ernie Kovacs.

Now go do some learnin'.