Gary Oldman is the poor man's Carlos Villarías

Happy Halloween.

Howard Jones is the poor man's Thomas Dolby

For many reasons, but the most literal?

Ringtones.

P.S. Keep voting for Tom Bartos. With your help, he gets paid which means I get paid too.

Brian Atene is NOT the poor man's Ron Liebman...

...just a Ron Liebman in training. I'm not talking about the intro. Just the audition.





If you're keeping score at home, this is the blog's 2nd reference to Zorro, The Gay Blade.

But why would you be keeping score?

Balthazar Getty is the poor man's Christian Bale

I can't stoop so low as to include a Mark Foley-esque joke here. I actually have work to do.

Christ, how do you regular people do this job thing? I so cannot wait for my vagabond life back: ridin' the rails, doin' odd jobs for the kindly old widow outside of town in exchange for a warm meal, sleeping one off either in an abandonded Packard or Andy's clean jail cell. I bet his girlfriend would make me blueberry muffins.

Cokie Roberts is the poor man's Elsa Lanchester

Which would've made Sam Donaldson Boris Karloff??? But no, he's the poor man's Spock.

This is the kind of shitty post you get when I have a day job.

Harvey Keitel's French accent is the poor man's version of Harvey Keitel's Southern accent

This was gonna be a great post. Full of You Tube madness, but alas. I'm too late. Apparently the clips I wanted are copyrighted, and no longer available.

So go rent The Duellists and Thelma and Louise (or don't), and watch Ridley Scott direct Harvey with all his (Ridley's) bombastic glory.

I don't know.

I took a diazepam before this post. I have no control over my brain thinkings.

You know, someone told me last week (with a straight face) that their favorite shows were Two and a Half Men and Flavor of Love 2?

And yet that's what makes America great. Be you black, white, yellow, brown, Jew, Protestant, Lakota Sioux, bellhop, millionaire or just a cultural retard. This land is your land. (The preceding statement may not include the Lakota Sioux. Sorry about that, but I swear my white-bread forbears didn't show up until long after you were shafted.)

Live and let live. That's what the diazepam keeps telling me, dammit. If perhaps we showed more boobs (the good kind) and less boobs (the Charlie Sheen kind) this world would be a better place.

I know I was making a point but I seem to have forgotten what it........zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Eddie Money is the poor man's Steve Buscemi

The Poor Man has a job this week. This makes him very sad, as he now has to give up his personal "projects" and stay-at-home hygiene and now ride the fresh-scented subway with all the other cheerless suckers in the corporate world. So today's post won't be spoon-fed to you. You have to figure this one out on your own.

Once you do, drop me a line.

Then vote for Tom Bartos. If he wins, he pays me back. Which means I won't have to have this dumb day job. Which then means better posts for you, the PMV viewing public.

Ron Silver is the poor man's Joe Mantegna

Create your own advent...uhh...witty comment.

I have a job today. And all next week.

Working makes the Poor Man sad.

Rod Stewart is the poor man's Martha Stewart

Isn't Rod just precious?

Tony Plana is the poor man's Luis Guzman

Mrs. Poor Man suggested I get off my ass today and post.

Now go find out more about these fine character actors.

And don't forget to vote.

Robert Morse is the poor man's Dave Barry

I guess. I don't know.

I'll continue to make stupid posts like this if Studio 60 remains on the air.

Megan McCormick is the poor man's Martha Quinn

Me and the Mrs. Me love to watch us some Globetrekker and look at all the exotic countries where our $3.72 would make us royalty.

Megan is the Martha Quinn personality on Globetrekker. Martha was not the Megan McCormick personality on MTV.

Kathy Griffin is the poor man's Vicki Lewis

Yeah, this is an obvious comparison.

Points go to Kathy because of Vicki's Nick Nolte thing, but c'mon people! Suddenly Susan vs. News Radio???

In your heart of hearts you know which wacky office redhead you'd prefer.

Ted Wass was the poor man's Robert Hays

I believe this is the 2nd time Robert Hays has been on PMV. Not sure. Too lazy to check.

But in Ted's defense, he sure did rock in Oh, God! You Devil!

Vote for Tom Bartos. The poor man's Ted Wass.

Vote for Tom Bartos - he owes me money.

Please vote for my good friend, Tom Bartos. He's part of this "Wetness Protection Program" campaign, and if he gets the job, could use the cash (like everyone else I know).

So please go here. Skip the front page.
Click on Tom's picture to hear his "platform."
Vote for him.
Then tell all your friends to do the same.

He's probably not the most qualified guy for the job, but when has that stopped the Amercian voting public before?

Douglas Fairbanks Jr. is the poor man's Errol Flynn

Because no one ever said, "in like Fairbanks."

Billy Bob Thornton's hair is the poor man's Nicolas Cage's hair

I'm not mocking them. I'm just contemplating my not-too-distant-future hairline.

Emily Post is the poor man's Miss Manners

Yet they are equally handsome women.

Thanks to Ninon for the suggestion.

Dorien Wilson is the poor man's David Alan Grier

And that's what an MFA from Yale will get you.

Bathrobes are the poor man's robes

How can you deny the awesome power of a real robe?

Dude, wizards!

Photoshopping is the poor man's airbrushing

Because airbrushing makes me laugh more.

ADDENDUM: Sometimes the Poor Man cannot come up with the funny every day all on his own. That job is more suited for people like Aaron Sorkin (or is it Aaron Spelling?).

Today's post was brought to you by the number 3 and the letter W.

The Cat's Meow is the poor man's cat's pajamas

This idea was much funnier than the execution.

Much like Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.

Digger the Dermatophyte is the poor man's Nasonex Bee

When I was younger I had a recurring nightmare about my toenails. I'm on a waterslide going down feet first, on my stomach. I'm zipping down the half tube when my toes hit a snag where two of these pieces of wet-Fiberglas-fun join. My toenails are ripped out while I continue down the slide.

To this day, just the thought of this makes my toes curl up tighter than John McClane getting over a long flight.

So any commercial that shows a skanky creature lifting up a toenail and digging in is just wrong in my book, and it should be wrong in your book too. The makers of this commercial should be tarred and feathered. Or brought up on suspected terrorist charges. God only knows what would happen to them then.

Point goes to the bee for his crappy, yet somewhat endearing Antonio Banderas impersonation.